"Midnight E.R. Adventure"

"Given the choice between pain and nothing, I would choose pain." -William Faulkner

On May 8th, at approximately 12:30 a.m., I phoned my father to complain about some rather pressing pains in my torso section. He, being the selfless daddy he is, drove to my apartment and sat at my bedside. After looking up possible reasons why I was hurting (using my laptop,) we finally left for the hospital. What happened next was quite the experience...

The Pineapple Lady

• The receptionist who checked me in and gave me my hospital bracelet.
  
• She related to my stomachache with a story of when she got sick eating too much pineapple. She was very sweet (just like pineapple! Har har...)

The Pink Lady

• The woman who gave me an IV in my hand. She was very understanding of my fear of needles and soothed me as best she could. (She wore pink scrubs, hence my name for her.)
  
• I went into a panic attack when she punctured the skin, jerked to the side (pulling out the IV) and threw up in a little pink basin my dad was holding for me.
  
• Redid the IV in my wrist.

The M.D.

• A kindly gentleman who used his fingers to press down on my tummy and locate the main concentration of the pain (ouch.)

The CAT Man

• A middle-aged man who told me to raise my arms above my head and listen to the machine's instructions for a CT scan ("take a breath in and hold it"; "you may now breathe normally.")
  
• Administered a second CT scan upon the Radiologist's request. This one included an IV and an enema. He began with the enema first, telling me it would make me feel full, just like a Thanksgiving dinner.
  
• The enema pushed so much fluid into me, it easily became the #1 on my "What Hurt The Worst" list that night. I threw up all over the CT machine.
  
• He got me a fresh blanket (when I threw up, the enema came out and soaked me and the table) and applied the IV.
  
• By this time, I was more ready for the enema (I don't think anyone can ever be fully ready for an enema.) With the IV distracting me (it made my body feel like it was on fire,) the man was able to redo the enema and successfully take the second CT scan.

The Radiologist

• Couldn't read the first CT scan, and gave the "go" for a second one.
  
• I never actually got to meet him.

The Stats Lady

• The woman who came in my room in between tests and filed the rest of my information on the computer. (Dad had to answer her questions, as I was a little swollen and pretty "out of commission" by then.)

The Youngin'

• The girl who gave me an ultrasound.
• Dad said her name was Maegan and that she looked around my age. All I remember about her is her brown hair and glasses, and that she asked me about my AIDA shirt, which was then covered in enema fluid and ultrasound jelly.

Steve

• My favorite person at the hospital (though everybody was very sweet to me.) He had braces and was lightly sarcastic, continually joking and never taking anything too seriously. (When I was being discharged, I asked him to take out my IV, and he said he had to leave it in for 5-6 days. I didn't realize he was kidding at first.)
• He was the nurse who administered my IV medicine (something for nausea, and 12 mg [3 doses] of morphine for pain.)

We left undiagnosed with a packet of Lortab and a few sheets of paper explaining what the conditions should be if I needed to return. Since then, I've slept in my folks' cozy bed, thrown up only a few more times, and am now making my way back to a full 100%. A thousand apologies to my mother for waiting until she was out of town before getting so sick, and a million "thank you's" to my father for giving up his sleep and taking care of me, telling me jokes to take my mind off the pain, and letting me squeeze his hand when it was all just too much.